Inspiration . . . .

Sometimes I miss them.

But tonight was the perfect night for lighting my little outdoor fire pit, and think about my future.  As I’m finishing packing for my move back home to North Carolina, tonight turned out to be a lovely opportunity to get inspired thinking of all the possibilities I have available for my new beginning.

As fate would have it, I was unable to photograph the event due to my camera lens locking up . . . a problem I did eventually find a solution for.  Not wanting to spoil the mood of my Gate of Inspiration meditation, my instincts told me to just enjoy the fire and think . . . and make a wish or two for the future.  Being able to talk with God . . . the Universe’s Life Force . . . can be a wondrous thing . . .

Along the way on my spiritual journey, I learned of a special time of  year  when the universe gives us a little window of time . . . an opening . . . a gate on which to meditate on what inspires us.  Found on Steve Nelson’s website Gaia Astrology ,  I’ve come to enjoy reading his moon magic section.  On the topic of the Gate of Inspiration . . . he has this to say:

Gate of Inspiration, Oct 12-13 (6:40 pm – 6:40 pm) – Dance and Be Free

“A Muse Gate opens every 40 days, 9 each year. The witch queen Cerridwen stirs her caldron for a year and day to brew the “greal” of  Inspiration. Nine maidens alternate their breaths to keep the magic fire burning, each maiden is a Muse. Whatever is blocking energy flow comes before the Gate to be let go. This is a time to release body tensions that hold old ways of thinking and feeling. Breathe deeply and move freely (dance!) to shed the old and open to the special magic of this new time.”

Also being the time of a wishing moon, it felt like the most perfect time to think of and wish for what’s possible ahead of me while asking for help in letting go of the many fears and self-doubts I have.

As I connect more and more to the energies of mother earth . . . the more strengthened I am . . . even though my once lovely garden is now overgrown with weeds . . . it welcomed me on this, one of my final evenings here at my home of the past 14 years.   The frogs . . . who have been silent now for many weeks . . . began croaking again . . . earlier, before sunset . . . several birds had gathered on the wire overlooking the garden . . . a lovely amber-colored butterfly  flew out of the flowers while some of the birds sang . . . yes, this would be a perfect night for expressing my appreciation for teaching me so much during the past three years while encouraging me to continue, at my new home.

Preparing my fire pit for an evening’s festivity is one of my favorite things to do.  I still have some small branches from last year’s Yule tree . . . I savor them during my fires at special times throughout the year. Many other dried herbs and flowers that I’ve saved go into it as special offerings of thanks for the beauty they brought into my life as well as to draw more positive or release negative energies of one variety or another.   I have an old stool without a seat, that I use to set the pit on while I load it with these garden treasures . . . and it is quite beautiful to me, even unlit.

It always amazes me how the wind responds to me in the garden.  I’ve had times when I thought surely it would be too windy for a fire . . . and then, the moment I step into  the circle . . . and light the fire, it calms.  Even more wondrous is when, after asking a question . . . a short gust will blow, as if answering my request.

Magical moments.  Spiritual moments.

While there is not much I will miss here in Florida . . . losing my garden is my greatest sorrow.  I’ve spent many magical moments there . . . and I want to carry those lovely memories with me to my next.

Having many very long branches from trees I pruned early in the spring, now dry enough to burn . . . I placed them around the pit . . . letting the tips burn . . . then pushing it into the fire to keep it going.  Just before coming in for the night . . . I took them out and let the tips cool. I’ll use them again tomorrow and will bring the ends with me for the fire I’ll prepare to dedicate the space for the new garden I will soon be working on . . .

Inspired by the hope of a brighter tomorrow . . . the fire blazed strong and clear.  A good sign.

Leaving behind the troubles of the past . . . and heading toward a new uncharted future is both exciting and terrifying.  On this night, however . . . I am comforted in knowing that this end, while not how I imagined it would be . . . was an answer to my many prayers.

I am grateful.

Pulling out the Weeds of an Old Year

Yes, I know New Year’s Day was about two weeks ago, but the Chinese New Year is just around the corner. I desperately want to start that one out with “good chi” flowing around my home and my family.

In the front of our house is an island with palm trees and other plants that I’ve too long neglected. It’s a constant reminder of a landscaping project gone wrong, and while I have, on occasion pulled weeds and such – I’ve never had the heart to face up to my regret over one of my most costly mistakes.

The island isn’t the only thing I’ve neglected.

Is it any wonder that our life situation, as well as my own personal view of it, seems to have deteriorated simulataneously with my own neglect of what once was a most beautifully landscaped island.

The island seems to represent, in some way, my feelings about a lot of things.

In Feng Shui, the front of the house, most specifically the north area – affects career matters, and we’ve certainly experienced problems with those. My husband works for two weeks at a time away from home, and is home only briefly for a couple of days then back to work. When he took that position, we believed that it would be at most 2 years, but it’s now been 5 and counting. Almost as long as I’ve neglected the island. Not to mention that I’ve been unable to find work myself – even meager positions below my education level.

So, I’ve decided it’s time to clean up the island. Couldn’t hurt, and I know my neighbors will be really happy!

There are plants in the island that I truly hate – they look ragged all the time. One is a popular plant called lirope. When freshly planted and thriving it can be beautiful. Yet, when winter comes, many of the leaves that die are intertwined with the new growth that spurts up and is very difficult to clean up and maintain without a lot of work. I never wanted the lirope in the first place – but the landscaper insisted it would be fabulous! Yeah . . . right.

There’s also plenty of weeds. Many I have no idea what their names are. The most invasive one is called “moneywort” (I think), and if it is (metaphorically speaking) the reason our money is drying up as rapidly as it seems to spread, then it definitely has to go!

Another plant, which I do like, is the variegated ginger. But I’ve never been sure how to properly clean up the dead and cold damaged leaves so that it’s true beauty could shine year after year. I’m going to equate this with our finances, which I’ve not taken part of as seriously as I need to.

So out I go this morning to the island, where my intention is to make it ready for a new period of growth which will restore it to it’s real beauty.

Pulling out the weeds of neglect, removing the plants I abhor and cutting back those plants I love of dead leaves and branches so that the new year brings us a beautiful fresh new period of optimism, hope and abundance.

As I pulled the weeds, I felt a new sense of direction. I was finally taking action on a problem that I had indeed neglected, just as I have in other areas of my life. This new feeling does seem to have motivated me to tackle other areas of my life I have too long ignored.

Pulling out those damned lirope plants – the best I could, was also liberating. Getting rid of those things I hate, that just don’t work for me any longer lifted my spirit. At this stage in my life, I have lots of “stuff”. I’ve been de-cluttering for the past 20 years, and it seems the more I get rid of, the more there seems to be! This year is going to be different.

I vowed a long time ago I would never have another yard sale. You end up giving it away anyway, so over the years I’ve always made trips to a variety of charitable organizations to unload some really good stuff. The deductions have served us well.

Yesterday, thinking about this, I remembered that in the same small shopping center where I have often donated lots of stuff, there was a consignment shop. Curious, I looked them up in the phone book to discover they carry a lot of home items, but no clothes. That’s unusual. But really good, as I still have loads of great stuff I’ve packed away, want to get rid of, but have felt were items just too good to give away. Maybe I can make a little money without wasting time and avoiding the heartache of a yard sale.

Okay, yes I could try to sell it on eBay, but that is a road already traveled – and not one I’ll travel again. The only people making lots of money on eBay is eBay.

Metaphorically speaking, I have a lot of other personal issues I need to pull out as well. Let’s just say, I’m working on them and leave it at that for the moment. . .

While I still have lots more weeds to pull, I’m going to be diligent in getting the job done before February 4th, which I believe is the Chinese New Year’s day this year.

Tomorrow, according to information I found about gardening by the moon, I’m going to prune two overgrown trees in the “wisdom” section of our property.

I certainly could use more of that.

New Thoughts and a Fresh Beginning

I woke up this morning renewed in a way I didn’t think possible for a long time.

Since finding Word Press, my creative juices have started to flow once again. I have so many interests, that some times getting started is the most difficult hurdle.

At this stage in my life, I have a lot of experience as well as a lot of experiences. I’ve been a photographer, a writer, a graphic designer, a publisher, a digital media designer, a jewelry designer and an artist. For the past 20+ years I’ve also been, primarily – a MOM.

After graduating a few years ago with a degree in digital media design, in an over-saturated market full of other graduates old enough to be my children – finding a job has been a dismal pursuit.

As many creative types are, I can be easily discouraged. And that is an affliction that has permeated the very core of my being for many years.

Trying my best to overcome this self imposed impasse led me to looking at life in a new way.

I found and purchased the movie “The Law of Attraction” before it was a hot topic on Oprah. And yes, I participated in every one of Eckhart Tolle and Oprah’s “A New Earth” Monday night webinars.

Yet, no matter much how I accepted and lived in the moment, focused only on the things I wanted and how positive I lived each day – it seemed that the Universe just kept slapping me in the face.

Every job I applied for – no matter how menial, didn’t result in employment. As the economy plummeted so did retail sales. So the yearly bonus my husband and I had always looked forward to vanished.

If the Universe is so abundant why are we suffering so profusely? Why am I being denied?

In spite of my admission to having those feelings, I still remained positive and hopeful. Even when I experienced a few negative flashes as unanticipated problems transpired, I would breathe deep and release any tension.

After discovering Word Press and the adventure of blogging, I now felt I had an outlet to share my voice, even if no one else was listening. My passion for writing has now been rekindled. Being a “stay-at-home” unemployed mom, with a husband who doesn’t want to talk after a full day of dealing with complaints, leaves you with no outlet to share personal thoughts.

We relocated to Florida years ago. The eternal possibility (and promises) of promotion and relocation in a “couple” of years left few chances to develop new and lasting friendships. I am basically a hermit, and sharing personal thoughts with people I don’t know doesn’t come easily to me. My neighbors like to “talk amongst themselves”, and I prefer to keep my personal business to myself. You understand.

With my background in graphic design and publishing, it was only natural that I add visual elements to my blogs. Over the past few years, when trying to create jewelry and a website, I had purchased some reasonably priced stock photo images to incorporate into my site as well as my personal logo. Over the years, I kept seeing a spot on their website to upload images. With my self image and self-confidence continuing to errode, I never once thought that my work would be good enough to be accepted. Even though my instructors told me I had a killer portfolio, continually being passed over for jobs causes one to question their own self-worth. However, I’ve always been very proud of my creative art skills. If no one else liked my work, I did.

As I was looking at the many different images on the Dreamstime website, especially the free ones – I kept thinking, I have images that are as good as these – maybe even better.

So I got to thinking of some of the images I had created that other people might be able to use to add visual punch to their blogs or graphic design campaigns.

One of the major “projects” that has been on my eternal list of things to do has been to organize the content of my overwhelming collection of CD’s. I have redundant copies of a lot of creative digital media projects that I have put off organizing as it only seemed to ignite my feelings of unworthiness.

Yesterday, I started looking at some of the images I had created – which led me to begin the organizing project. Not easy, as I have stacks of CD’s that have to each be loaded and reviewed to find all the images. Took me all day. So far I’ve found about 3 gigabytes. And I’m not finished yet!

I’ve uploaded a few to see if they’ll be accepted. Won’t know till about Thursday, but I am hopeful. Which is a wonderful place to be.

Hopeful.

People tell me we are always where we are suppose to be and doing exactly what we are meant to be doing at any moment in time. That the Universe is guiding us along a path that offers us many lessons. While I’ve always believed that to be true, I must admit I have questioned why the Universe has taken me down such a rocky road. A dry rocky road.

But I think I am beginning to see a lovely green meadow just ahead.

I just hope it’s not a mirage.