Tag Archive: Universe


Here I am . . .

Doesn’t seem like its been that long since I last posted.  Yet, so much has happened in these past 2 weeks that is most definitely changing my life forever.

No longer in Florida, I sit tonight in my new home . . .  my Dad’s work shed, converted into a rather large studio apartment.

The trials and tribulations of packing all my worldly goods . . . moving them . . . unloading and now unpacking them has been an adventure . . . to say the very least.  Regardless of the size, 14 years of amassing much of the many things I love . . . is now filling the space up . . . and . . . for most part –  in the most delightful way!

To add to the chaos of the adventure . . . getting to really know my Dad does provide some of life’s real tests.

I know that, as a woman . . . over the years , we begin to not only understand our mother’s more, but we see a lot of her in ourselves. Sometimes it frightens us, yet . . . there is a comfort in knowing that what we discover in  ourselves comes from a source that loves us.

I’m not sure all of us see that same perspective from our fathers.  Maybe it’s just me . . . but I do see a lot of myself when I watch my Dad do all that he has the past week.  Getting older now, I can see the frailty of age on the most vigorous man I’ve ever known. A vigor still very much alive.

Understanding more fully my connection to my parents has been a deeply spiritual awakening.

It’s hard to believe I’ve only been here a week.  In many ways . . . it seems like I never left.

Coming home.

Nothing has gone as planned.  Not that I had really planned anything . . . but certainly not expecting what I’m in the midst of!  So far, its been a Murphy’s Law adventure . . . and most everything that could go wrong has . . . but,  at this stage in life, I’m just going with the flow.  Changing the things I can, accepting the things I can’t.

Early on in this dilemma . . . I could see that all this was in answer my prayers. Do I like how the universe responded . . . no, not really . . . but this was probably the quickest, surest way to bring about the necessary changes my life needed. So I accept it knowing that what lies before me is indeed far greater than what I’ve left behind.

Hopefully I will exceed my greatest expectations.

Time . . . and patience . . . will tell.

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Sometimes I miss them.

But tonight was the perfect night for lighting my little outdoor fire pit, and think about my future.  As I’m finishing packing for my move back home to North Carolina, tonight turned out to be a lovely opportunity to get inspired thinking of all the possibilities I have available for my new beginning.

As fate would have it, I was unable to photograph the event due to my camera lens locking up . . . a problem I did eventually find a solution for.  Not wanting to spoil the mood of my Gate of Inspiration meditation, my instincts told me to just enjoy the fire and think . . . and make a wish or two for the future.  Being able to talk with God . . . the Universe’s Life Force . . . can be a wondrous thing . . .

Along the way on my spiritual journey, I learned of a special time of  year  when the universe gives us a little window of time . . . an opening . . . a gate on which to meditate on what inspires us.  Found on Steve Nelson’s website Gaia Astrology ,  I’ve come to enjoy reading his moon magic section.  On the topic of the Gate of Inspiration . . . he has this to say:

Gate of Inspiration, Oct 12-13 (6:40 pm – 6:40 pm) – Dance and Be Free

“A Muse Gate opens every 40 days, 9 each year. The witch queen Cerridwen stirs her caldron for a year and day to brew the “greal” of  Inspiration. Nine maidens alternate their breaths to keep the magic fire burning, each maiden is a Muse. Whatever is blocking energy flow comes before the Gate to be let go. This is a time to release body tensions that hold old ways of thinking and feeling. Breathe deeply and move freely (dance!) to shed the old and open to the special magic of this new time.”

Also being the time of a wishing moon, it felt like the most perfect time to think of and wish for what’s possible ahead of me while asking for help in letting go of the many fears and self-doubts I have.

As I connect more and more to the energies of mother earth . . . the more strengthened I am . . . even though my once lovely garden is now overgrown with weeds . . . it welcomed me on this, one of my final evenings here at my home of the past 14 years.   The frogs . . . who have been silent now for many weeks . . . began croaking again . . . earlier, before sunset . . . several birds had gathered on the wire overlooking the garden . . . a lovely amber-colored butterfly  flew out of the flowers while some of the birds sang . . . yes, this would be a perfect night for expressing my appreciation for teaching me so much during the past three years while encouraging me to continue, at my new home.

Preparing my fire pit for an evening’s festivity is one of my favorite things to do.  I still have some small branches from last year’s Yule tree . . . I savor them during my fires at special times throughout the year. Many other dried herbs and flowers that I’ve saved go into it as special offerings of thanks for the beauty they brought into my life as well as to draw more positive or release negative energies of one variety or another.   I have an old stool without a seat, that I use to set the pit on while I load it with these garden treasures . . . and it is quite beautiful to me, even unlit.

It always amazes me how the wind responds to me in the garden.  I’ve had times when I thought surely it would be too windy for a fire . . . and then, the moment I step into  the circle . . . and light the fire, it calms.  Even more wondrous is when, after asking a question . . . a short gust will blow, as if answering my request.

Magical moments.  Spiritual moments.

While there is not much I will miss here in Florida . . . losing my garden is my greatest sorrow.  I’ve spent many magical moments there . . . and I want to carry those lovely memories with me to my next.

Having many very long branches from trees I pruned early in the spring, now dry enough to burn . . . I placed them around the pit . . . letting the tips burn . . . then pushing it into the fire to keep it going.  Just before coming in for the night . . . I took them out and let the tips cool. I’ll use them again tomorrow and will bring the ends with me for the fire I’ll prepare to dedicate the space for the new garden I will soon be working on . . .

Inspired by the hope of a brighter tomorrow . . . the fire blazed strong and clear.  A good sign.

Leaving behind the troubles of the past . . . and heading toward a new uncharted future is both exciting and terrifying.  On this night, however . . . I am comforted in knowing that this end, while not how I imagined it would be . . . was an answer to my many prayers.

I am grateful.

At the age of 57 I’ve learned much on this journey of my own, deeply personal, spiritual path and continue to welcome new discoveries along the way.

These intense personal revelations seem to occur most often just after visiting my family in North Carolina. Home, I’ve learned, is where we must confront and clarify our past with our currents beliefs.

Having taken an alternate approach to my relationship with God – my Creator, and having to confront the beliefs of my family in a most sensitive way causes a deep reflection into where I’ve come from and where I’m going. After all, what we come to believe as truth is based on the sum total of all our experiences.

One of the most profound lessons – or revelations – I received from my recent trip was the understanding that the world is consumed by fear. Fear imposed from the many different belief systems that exist.  From the pulpit to the late night news, we are globally bombarded with reasons to be fearful. TV shows spew it forth as if candy, ready to be devoured. Yet it is the poison that produces the stress and unhappiness so many people feel.

I am grateful that I am no longer fearful, for the most part. If all the claims of doom are correct, there is really nothing I, alone, can do about it.  There is probably nothing anyone can do, even as a group. (Though I do entertain hope that may be possible.) Yet I am comforted by my belief that life on this earth is just one – hopefully – very long  experience, and that it will continue in another form when this existence ceases.  All one can do is live your life according to the principles you believe in and ultimately treat others as you, yourself want to be treated.

I pondered the question and then the answer of Eckhart Tolle, “What is the opposite of death?” When I’ve asked people this question, most reply quite simply “life”. Yet, when you consider that birth is really the opposite of death, you begin to see life as a state of consciousness, and personally,  I do not believe life dies. It is eternal. Always has been and always will be. We’re simply its temple made of stardust.

Yes, there are horrible ways to die. We fear them. For the most part, these most horrible experiences would not – could not – be imagined without us being  exposed to them in our visual media. How often have you thought to yourself : “How could someone _______.” – (you fill in the blank).

Unfortunately, these unthinkable acts of violence enters our psyche on a daily basis.  However, I find comfort in knowing that when our last breath is taken, we suffer no more the pains of this material existence. No matter what the final circumstances of our life may be.

Who we are, who we become and the experiences we encounter are in large part based on the things we fear.

When you choose to accept those things you cannot change, changing those you can – teaches the wisdom which allows you to live according to your own understanding or belief in the positive nature of God and His/Her Universe.

If you believe in the possibility of the law of attraction, then you can see where living a life consumed with fear can bring you situations you hope to never dream of, and – most importantly – do not desire. Sadly, fear often lies hidden underneath our conscious perceptions.

One of the truths I learned in my youth is from a biblical scripture in which our Creator says:  “Fear not, I am always with you”. Our choice is to believe it or not.

Trust. The ultimate act of faith is trust. Didn’t our childhood lesson of Doubting Thomas teach us that? “Ask and you shall receive.” Believing that – without doubt – is perhaps the most difficult exercise of faith we’ve been given.

Therein – perhaps – lies the nature of my discovery. The admonition to “be no part of this world” could very well be to not allow myself to live my life in the uncertainty of fear. To trust in my Creative Source as my Creator and protector.

The peace which comes with relinquishing fear is a precious gift. A gift I hope for and wish for everyone.

daisyI woke up this morning renewed in a way I didn’t think possible for a long time.

Since finding Word Press, my creative juices have started to flow once again. I have so many interests, that some times getting started is the most difficult hurdle.

At this stage in my life, I have a lot of experience as well as a lot of experiences. I’ve been a photographer, a writer, a graphic designer, a publisher, a digital media designer, a jewelry designer and an artist. For the past 20+ years I’ve also been, primarily – a MOM.

After graduating a few years ago with a degree in digital media design, in an over-saturated market full of other graduates old enough to be my children – finding a job has been a dismal pursuit.

As many creative types are, I can be easily discouraged. And that is an affliction that has permeated the very core of my being for many years.

Trying my best to overcome this self imposed impasse led me to looking at life in a new way.

I found and purchased the movie “The Law of Attraction” before it was a hot topic on Oprah. And yes, I participated in every one of Eckhart Tolle and Oprah’s “A New Earth” Monday night webinars.

Yet, no matter much how I accepted and lived in the moment, focused only on the things I wanted and how positive I lived each day – it seemed that the Universe just kept slapping me in the face.

Every job I applied for – no matter how menial, didn’t result in employment. As the economy plummeted so did retail sales. So the yearly bonus my husband and I had always looked forward to vanished.

If the Universe is so abundant why are we suffering so profusely? Why am I being denied?

In spite of my admission to having those feelings, I still remained positive and hopeful. Even when I experienced a few negative flashes as unanticipated problems transpired, I would breathe deep and release any tension.

After discovering Word Press and the adventure of blogging, I now felt I had an outlet to share my voice, even if no one else was listening. My passion for writing has now been rekindled. Being a “stay-at-home” unemployed mom, with a husband who doesn’t want to talk after a full day of dealing with complaints, leaves you with no outlet to share personal thoughts.

We relocated to Florida years ago. The eternal possibility (and promises) of promotion and relocation in a “couple” of years left few chances to develop new and lasting friendships. I am basically a hermit, and sharing personal thoughts with people I don’t know doesn’t come easily to me. My neighbors like to “talk amongst themselves”, and I prefer to keep my personal business to myself. You understand.

With my background in graphic design and publishing, it was only natural that I add visual elements to my blogs. Over the past few years, when trying to create jewelry and a website, I had purchased some reasonably priced stock photo images to incorporate into my site as well as my personal logo. Over the years, I kept seeing a spot on their website to upload images. With my self image and self-confidence continuing to errode, I never once thought that my work would be good enough to be accepted. Even though my instructors told me I had a killer portfolio, continually being passed over for jobs causes one to question their own self-worth. However, I’ve always been very proud of my creative art skills. If no one else liked my work, I did.

As I was looking at the many different images on the Dreamstime website, especially the free ones – I kept thinking, I have images that are as good as these – maybe even better.

So I got to thinking of some of the images I had created that other people might be able to use to add visual punch to their blogs or graphic design campaigns.

One of the major “projects” that has been on my eternal list of things to do has been to organize the content of my overwhelming collection of CD’s. I have redundant copies of a lot of creative digital media projects that I have put off organizing as it only seemed to ignite my feelings of unworthiness.

Yesterday, I started looking at some of the images I had created – which led me to begin the organizing project. Not easy, as I have stacks of CD’s that have to each be loaded and reviewed to find all the images. Took me all day. So far I’ve found about 3 gigabytes. And I’m not finished yet!

I’ve uploaded a few to see if they’ll be accepted. Won’t know till about Thursday, but I am hopeful. Which is a wonderful place to be.

Hopeful.

People tell me we are always where we are suppose to be and doing exactly what we are meant to be doing at any moment in time. That the Universe is guiding us along a path that offers us many lessons. While I’ve always believed that to be true, I must admit I have questioned why the Universe has taken me down such a rocky road. A dry rocky road.

But I think I am beginning to see a lovely green meadow just ahead.

I just hope it’s not a mirage.

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