Category: Personal Thoughts


I don’t write in this blog often . . . but when I do, I have something to say that will hopefully carry me onto the next leg of the journey.

Here we are, the 1st of April still feeling the charge of Aries pushing us into a new yearly cycle.  I’m sitting in my garden, with new things sprouting up all around me and enjoying the fruits of my labor of the past three months.

Last year I didn’t spend much time in it. I kept busy making mushroom ornaments and garlands. Besides, last year, here in Florida we went from extreme cold to extreme hot overnight. There were no mornings of cool to get a lot of work done.

This year, however, was perfect. Cold in January and February, but not so cold that a good bit of hard work wouldn’t warm you up comfortably. March too, though toward the end it was beginning to show signs of summer. Even now, at 8:47 pm, it’s almost too hot to have a fire, but the temp is starting to drop and a I’m starting to feel cozy.

I love my little make-shift fire-pit . . . made from the lid of an old kettle type bar-b-que grill. It’s perfect for those new and full moons when the weather is cool and dry.

My garden is my sanctuary. It’s my place of refuge, my safe-haven. This year, I have a new lap-top thanks to my husband, and a very long extension cord. No longer tethered to my desktop,  its a glorious place to sit and ponder life in this universe.

This year Spirit, working through two friends, has encouraged me to broaden my horizons a bit. I do admit that I am a happy hermit . . . happy to be alone with my own thoughts about my spiritual path. While I do enjoy the company of others, I often find that the beat of my drum is a lot different that other folks. So I’m content beating my drum as I please.

Metaphorically speaking that is.

I live in a suburban environment where my prayers are not said aloud in my garden . . . there are ears all around. And my prayers are between me and Spirit. The last 2 times I’ve tried to play music aloud in my garden was met with the neighbors behind me bringing out their music system and blasting me away.  With music that wouldn’t soothe a savage beast.

So, the ipod it is. Though I must admit, it would be nice to have a background of music when my friends come over.

Would love to start a drum circle, but I don’t think that would go over so well.

Anyway . . . back to broadening my horizons.

My friends, who are interested in all the same things as me, have encouraged me to share some of the things I know about.  Based on some of the classes they’ve taken at a local metaphysical shop, they feel that I know so much more.

I hesitate as I do not consider myself an authority on anything. Everything I do, or know, is really just reading and researching and applying adaptations of different approaches to my own personal spiritual practice.  Doing what feels right for me.

Last night, I happened across this question and instruction in a lunar report from one of my favorite astrology websites:

“Do you have a short written statement about the chief purpose of your life? It is time to read your statement. Write it, read it, and put it inside your wallet. Stay focused on what’s important to you.”

Being in a waxing moon period, and thinking about creating a series of classes I could possibly instruct, I thought that it was a good time to stop and think about this. To clarify my intention of purpose.

I’ve done many things in my life, but at my age, starting anew in any one of them has proved to be contrary to what the universe wants me to do – apparently!  We won’t go there . . . we’ll just move forward to what I’m supposed to do now. . .

So, here it is:

My Brief Written Statement about the chief purpose of my life:

“I am here to share that which I’ve learned about how to have a practical, magical, spiritual life and how to connect in an individual way to the bountiful energy of the Creator of all-that-is.”

I still can’t believe I said that! It is just as powerful for me today as when I wrote it last night. My greatest fear is that I am somewhat lacking in what I know . . . I know only what’s right for me. Can I somehow convey this to others in a broad enough scope?

I know that while I’ve come far on this journey . . . others are just beginning, or are  just as befuddled as I was in the beginning.  There are just so many different spiritual paths and practices within the metaphysical realm that it is sometimes overwhelming to find what feels right.

It would be nice however,  to share what I have learned with the hope that it may help others feel closer to Spirit.

In many ways, it does feel right.

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At the age of 57 I’ve learned much on this journey of my own, deeply personal, spiritual path and continue to welcome new discoveries along the way.

These intense personal revelations seem to occur most often just after visiting my family in North Carolina. Home, I’ve learned, is where we must confront and clarify our past with our currents beliefs.

Having taken an alternate approach to my relationship with God – my Creator, and having to confront the beliefs of my family in a most sensitive way causes a deep reflection into where I’ve come from and where I’m going. After all, what we come to believe as truth is based on the sum total of all our experiences.

One of the most profound lessons – or revelations – I received from my recent trip was the understanding that the world is consumed by fear. Fear imposed from the many different belief systems that exist.  From the pulpit to the late night news, we are globally bombarded with reasons to be fearful. TV shows spew it forth as if candy, ready to be devoured. Yet it is the poison that produces the stress and unhappiness so many people feel.

I am grateful that I am no longer fearful, for the most part. If all the claims of doom are correct, there is really nothing I, alone, can do about it.  There is probably nothing anyone can do, even as a group. (Though I do entertain hope that may be possible.) Yet I am comforted by my belief that life on this earth is just one – hopefully – very long  experience, and that it will continue in another form when this existence ceases.  All one can do is live your life according to the principles you believe in and ultimately treat others as you, yourself want to be treated.

I pondered the question and then the answer of Eckhart Tolle, “What is the opposite of death?” When I’ve asked people this question, most reply quite simply “life”. Yet, when you consider that birth is really the opposite of death, you begin to see life as a state of consciousness, and personally,  I do not believe life dies. It is eternal. Always has been and always will be. We’re simply its temple made of stardust.

Yes, there are horrible ways to die. We fear them. For the most part, these most horrible experiences would not – could not – be imagined without us being  exposed to them in our visual media. How often have you thought to yourself : “How could someone _______.” – (you fill in the blank).

Unfortunately, these unthinkable acts of violence enters our psyche on a daily basis.  However, I find comfort in knowing that when our last breath is taken, we suffer no more the pains of this material existence. No matter what the final circumstances of our life may be.

Who we are, who we become and the experiences we encounter are in large part based on the things we fear.

When you choose to accept those things you cannot change, changing those you can – teaches the wisdom which allows you to live according to your own understanding or belief in the positive nature of God and His/Her Universe.

If you believe in the possibility of the law of attraction, then you can see where living a life consumed with fear can bring you situations you hope to never dream of, and – most importantly – do not desire. Sadly, fear often lies hidden underneath our conscious perceptions.

One of the truths I learned in my youth is from a biblical scripture in which our Creator says:  “Fear not, I am always with you”. Our choice is to believe it or not.

Trust. The ultimate act of faith is trust. Didn’t our childhood lesson of Doubting Thomas teach us that? “Ask and you shall receive.” Believing that – without doubt – is perhaps the most difficult exercise of faith we’ve been given.

Therein – perhaps – lies the nature of my discovery. The admonition to “be no part of this world” could very well be to not allow myself to live my life in the uncertainty of fear. To trust in my Creative Source as my Creator and protector.

The peace which comes with relinquishing fear is a precious gift. A gift I hope for and wish for everyone.

daisyI woke up this morning renewed in a way I didn’t think possible for a long time.

Since finding Word Press, my creative juices have started to flow once again. I have so many interests, that some times getting started is the most difficult hurdle.

At this stage in my life, I have a lot of experience as well as a lot of experiences. I’ve been a photographer, a writer, a graphic designer, a publisher, a digital media designer, a jewelry designer and an artist. For the past 20+ years I’ve also been, primarily – a MOM.

After graduating a few years ago with a degree in digital media design, in an over-saturated market full of other graduates old enough to be my children – finding a job has been a dismal pursuit.

As many creative types are, I can be easily discouraged. And that is an affliction that has permeated the very core of my being for many years.

Trying my best to overcome this self imposed impasse led me to looking at life in a new way.

I found and purchased the movie “The Law of Attraction” before it was a hot topic on Oprah. And yes, I participated in every one of Eckhart Tolle and Oprah’s “A New Earth” Monday night webinars.

Yet, no matter much how I accepted and lived in the moment, focused only on the things I wanted and how positive I lived each day – it seemed that the Universe just kept slapping me in the face.

Every job I applied for – no matter how menial, didn’t result in employment. As the economy plummeted so did retail sales. So the yearly bonus my husband and I had always looked forward to vanished.

If the Universe is so abundant why are we suffering so profusely? Why am I being denied?

In spite of my admission to having those feelings, I still remained positive and hopeful. Even when I experienced a few negative flashes as unanticipated problems transpired, I would breathe deep and release any tension.

After discovering Word Press and the adventure of blogging, I now felt I had an outlet to share my voice, even if no one else was listening. My passion for writing has now been rekindled. Being a “stay-at-home” unemployed mom, with a husband who doesn’t want to talk after a full day of dealing with complaints, leaves you with no outlet to share personal thoughts.

We relocated to Florida years ago. The eternal possibility (and promises) of promotion and relocation in a “couple” of years left few chances to develop new and lasting friendships. I am basically a hermit, and sharing personal thoughts with people I don’t know doesn’t come easily to me. My neighbors like to “talk amongst themselves”, and I prefer to keep my personal business to myself. You understand.

With my background in graphic design and publishing, it was only natural that I add visual elements to my blogs. Over the past few years, when trying to create jewelry and a website, I had purchased some reasonably priced stock photo images to incorporate into my site as well as my personal logo. Over the years, I kept seeing a spot on their website to upload images. With my self image and self-confidence continuing to errode, I never once thought that my work would be good enough to be accepted. Even though my instructors told me I had a killer portfolio, continually being passed over for jobs causes one to question their own self-worth. However, I’ve always been very proud of my creative art skills. If no one else liked my work, I did.

As I was looking at the many different images on the Dreamstime website, especially the free ones – I kept thinking, I have images that are as good as these – maybe even better.

So I got to thinking of some of the images I had created that other people might be able to use to add visual punch to their blogs or graphic design campaigns.

One of the major “projects” that has been on my eternal list of things to do has been to organize the content of my overwhelming collection of CD’s. I have redundant copies of a lot of creative digital media projects that I have put off organizing as it only seemed to ignite my feelings of unworthiness.

Yesterday, I started looking at some of the images I had created – which led me to begin the organizing project. Not easy, as I have stacks of CD’s that have to each be loaded and reviewed to find all the images. Took me all day. So far I’ve found about 3 gigabytes. And I’m not finished yet!

I’ve uploaded a few to see if they’ll be accepted. Won’t know till about Thursday, but I am hopeful. Which is a wonderful place to be.

Hopeful.

People tell me we are always where we are suppose to be and doing exactly what we are meant to be doing at any moment in time. That the Universe is guiding us along a path that offers us many lessons. While I’ve always believed that to be true, I must admit I have questioned why the Universe has taken me down such a rocky road. A dry rocky road.

But I think I am beginning to see a lovely green meadow just ahead.

I just hope it’s not a mirage.

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