The Universe, Direct TV and the Library

Like many people, I too have been touched by the current economic crisis. Yet, one inconvenience that may be a blessing in disguise is when Direct TV shut off our satellite service – again.

TV is our favorite American addiction. The only problem is the fact that you don’t get your money’s worth. Often, you’ll spend hours scouring the dozen favorite channels for something new and interesting. Usually, you end up watching repeats of the same shows you’ve been watching for months. Just how many episodes of “Top Chef” can I watch in one day?

We had given up the “premium” channels like Showtime and HBO months ago. They rarely show anything new and interesting and often show the same movies that are played on other non-premium channels. How many times do I have to watch “Independence Day” because there is nothing else on.

Another problem is what they charge you for all those channels you don’t watch. Out of the 200+ channels there are maybe about a dozen – probably less – that you actually watch what’s scheduled. For that, on four TV’s we are suppose to pay about $70.00 a month. Usually it ends up being $125.00 a month – which brings up another frustrating aspect of Direct TV.

You get a bill in the mail with one amount due. If you go online to pay, the amount due is different. If you call up to make a payment it’s another different amount. And it’s never the $70.00 a month that they said it would cost.

We don’t watch sports, religious channels, foreign language channels, home shopping networks or listen to the music/radio channels. The only news channel I watch is MSNBC. My kids are grown, so we don’t watch any of the children’s programming. Is it really worth $125.00 a month to only watch a hand full of channels? Can we live without it?

Not having enough money to pay for it makes the question moot. Now, can we survive the withdrawal?

I found that I can subscribe to my favorite news shows on iTunes for free. I also tried the free subscription at Netflix, which is great. I continued using Netflix until I saw that our financial situation wasn’t quite as rosy, even if it’s only $9.95 a month.

Visual sensory overload withdrawal will cause you to do some extraordinary things. Like use those coupons to hook up the digital boxes to local channels. At least we’ll have some contact with the outside world.

Needing more “input”, I decided to go to our local library to find some books to read. What I discovered there was totally amazing. Today’s library is not like the one I grew up with.

Browsing the computer search for books on topics that interested me, I discovered a wide range of books in the county system, but limited in my branch. But, any of the books in the county system are available. Another wonderful surprise was the movie section, both fiction and non fiction – as well as TV series. Yes, I can get the entire season of “House”! Without any commercial interruptions! They also have music to loan. It’s like paradise.

The most amazing thing I learned was that you can log into the system from your home computer and actually search the entire library system for books or movies. If they have it, you can reserve it. Then just go pick up your selections. All of this is free, unless you are late in returning the items you borrow. Even then, the charges are minimal.

Since discovering the library, I’ve now put Netflix on hold. Most of the newest movies are at the library, however the waiting list for those are the longest. The good news is that most movies that were released last year – that haven’t made it to pay TV – ARE available. Not to mention some great educational videos. I’ve also borrowed some great DVD’s of yoga, Qi Gong, meditation and exercise programs. I use to buy them. Many that I paid for turned out to be disappointing, so being able to borrow them from the library lets me “try before I buy”. I have found some great ones that I do want to own, and now I won’t be wasting my money for ones that just don’t appeal to me that I will never use.

Books too. I’ve always bought books. I still love books, and have many that are near and dear to me. Some, however, I’m never going to read again or use for reference in any way. Borrowing them from the library gives me the opportunity to find the ones that are the true gems you want to own.

Even though I’m still in the pain of withdrawal, it’s getting better and better every day. I find that I am filling up my mind with USEFUL information, rather than the drone of the many commercials and that permeate the air waves. I don’t have to “settle” for some of the shallow programs that seems to proliferate the TV industry.

Quality information about topics that interest me.

Wow. Imagine that.

My energy and motivation levels have increased. I am much more positive about life in general than I was with the constant negative input from the tube. I am beginning to think more clearly about myself and my goals.

Maybe the loss of Direct TV was a surprisingly purposeful gift from The Universe.

Thank you.

While I do admit that I miss some of my favorite shows, I can wait for the library to get all the seasons I’ll be missing. I’ll consider paying for the privilege of watching countless TV ads and senseless shows again when I receive that million dollar lottery check.

I won’t be able to afford it until then.

Pulling out the Weeds of an Old Year

Yes, I know New Year’s Day was about two weeks ago, but the Chinese New Year is just around the corner. I desperately want to start that one out with “good chi” flowing around my home and my family.

In the front of our house is an island with palm trees and other plants that I’ve too long neglected. It’s a constant reminder of a landscaping project gone wrong, and while I have, on occasion pulled weeds and such – I’ve never had the heart to face up to my regret over one of my most costly mistakes.

The island isn’t the only thing I’ve neglected.

Is it any wonder that our life situation, as well as my own personal view of it, seems to have deteriorated simulataneously with my own neglect of what once was a most beautifully landscaped island.

The island seems to represent, in some way, my feelings about a lot of things.

In Feng Shui, the front of the house, most specifically the north area – affects career matters, and we’ve certainly experienced problems with those. My husband works for two weeks at a time away from home, and is home only briefly for a couple of days then back to work. When he took that position, we believed that it would be at most 2 years, but it’s now been 5 and counting. Almost as long as I’ve neglected the island. Not to mention that I’ve been unable to find work myself – even meager positions below my education level.

So, I’ve decided it’s time to clean up the island. Couldn’t hurt, and I know my neighbors will be really happy!

There are plants in the island that I truly hate – they look ragged all the time. One is a popular plant called lirope. When freshly planted and thriving it can be beautiful. Yet, when winter comes, many of the leaves that die are intertwined with the new growth that spurts up and is very difficult to clean up and maintain without a lot of work. I never wanted the lirope in the first place – but the landscaper insisted it would be fabulous! Yeah . . . right.

There’s also plenty of weeds. Many I have no idea what their names are. The most invasive one is called “moneywort” (I think), and if it is (metaphorically speaking) the reason our money is drying up as rapidly as it seems to spread, then it definitely has to go!

Another plant, which I do like, is the variegated ginger. But I’ve never been sure how to properly clean up the dead and cold damaged leaves so that it’s true beauty could shine year after year. I’m going to equate this with our finances, which I’ve not taken part of as seriously as I need to.

So out I go this morning to the island, where my intention is to make it ready for a new period of growth which will restore it to it’s real beauty.

Pulling out the weeds of neglect, removing the plants I abhor and cutting back those plants I love of dead leaves and branches so that the new year brings us a beautiful fresh new period of optimism, hope and abundance.

As I pulled the weeds, I felt a new sense of direction. I was finally taking action on a problem that I had indeed neglected, just as I have in other areas of my life. This new feeling does seem to have motivated me to tackle other areas of my life I have too long ignored.

Pulling out those damned lirope plants – the best I could, was also liberating. Getting rid of those things I hate, that just don’t work for me any longer lifted my spirit. At this stage in my life, I have lots of “stuff”. I’ve been de-cluttering for the past 20 years, and it seems the more I get rid of, the more there seems to be! This year is going to be different.

I vowed a long time ago I would never have another yard sale. You end up giving it away anyway, so over the years I’ve always made trips to a variety of charitable organizations to unload some really good stuff. The deductions have served us well.

Yesterday, thinking about this, I remembered that in the same small shopping center where I have often donated lots of stuff, there was a consignment shop. Curious, I looked them up in the phone book to discover they carry a lot of home items, but no clothes. That’s unusual. But really good, as I still have loads of great stuff I’ve packed away, want to get rid of, but have felt were items just too good to give away. Maybe I can make a little money without wasting time and avoiding the heartache of a yard sale.

Okay, yes I could try to sell it on eBay, but that is a road already traveled – and not one I’ll travel again. The only people making lots of money on eBay is eBay.

Metaphorically speaking, I have a lot of other personal issues I need to pull out as well. Let’s just say, I’m working on them and leave it at that for the moment. . .

While I still have lots more weeds to pull, I’m going to be diligent in getting the job done before February 4th, which I believe is the Chinese New Year’s day this year.

Tomorrow, according to information I found about gardening by the moon, I’m going to prune two overgrown trees in the “wisdom” section of our property.

I certainly could use more of that.

Holidays, Religion and My Spiritual Journey

“you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

John 8:32

No matter how far I think I’ve come, I know I still have a long way to go.

It must be the time of year that’s roused a need to reflect on just where I am on my spiritual journey and how I got here.

Christmas being a time of peace, love, joy and goodwill toward mankind and Hannukah – the Festival of Lights – commemorating the triumph of religious freedom have both molded my view of religion, belief and spirituality.

Even though neither were celebrations I grew up observing.

It’s been a long journey, with many twists and turns, yet I know that one should never be too confident in thinking that they have arrived. Is there even a point of arrival, a place where the search ends?

Christianity teaches that the end may be heaven for some people, and if you survive the “wrath” of God’s Armageddon – eternal life. While searching for truth, I found that as my journey progressed my desire for religion waned.

While I have always felt deeply connected to my Creator, I have never found any comfort in religion. I’ve always felt like an outsider looking in, rather than a welcomed participant. No matter how I much I longed for inclusion, and tried, it seemed like the impossible dream.

I’ve had many conversations with God about this. Even though I did all of the talking – I always felt He was listening. Forever believing in the words “do not judge, lest ye be judged”, all I seemed to find at churches and synagogues was judgment. Perhaps it was God who allowed me to see this contradiction as part of the truth that set me free.

Today, I see religion as simply a mechanism which teaches with “Cliff” notes in order to control the group. Instead of allowing the truth to be revealed in its own way to each individual, religions have their own interpretation of the way- the one and only way – God requires us to believe in Him. A one size fits all approach and if you don’t “fit” by ascribing to their philosophy and their rigors of observance, you are not one of the “chosen”.

In today’s modern society some religious groups have become more tolerant of other points of view. This seems to be a step in the right direction. Yet each one, when you get right down to the nitty gritty of their core belief, still hold themselves and their way of believing as the absolute and only way to salvation.

At this moment in my journey, I simply cannot – will not – see this as truth.

I believe that our Creator – the I Am That I Am – is the Infinite Source of all that is. I believe that this source has touched every thing and every one on the face of this earth and beyond. To believe that the source of all creation would select only one group to bestow salvation betrays everything I believe God to be: merciful, loving, compassionate, and forgiving – just to name a few. I believe that we – each and every one of us – as a vital part of His creation, are valued and loved. Whether we choose to believe it or not.

As a parent who loves her children unconditionally, I cannot see how – if we are God’s children, He could love all of mankind – His creation – any differently. My children complain, they don’t always do what I ask them, and sometimes do things that really make me mad. As they’ve gotten older, they don’t always agree with me. But I still love them. I don’t think there is anything they could do that could ever make me not love them or wish them harm. That is how I believe our Creator to be.

A long time ago, when explaining to my mother why I no longer believed in the religion of my youth, I quoted the bible as saying there is only one faith. This has long been held as the indefensible proof that there is only one true religion.

But faith has no religious boundaries.

The belief in One Creator of all-that-is permeates even those religions viewed as multi-theistic. I know people of many different religious philosophies who live their lives with faith in this belief. Good, honest, people who lives their life with a deeply founded faith in their belief that you’ll find is no different from one religion to the next.

I think the question of faith lies in what it is you have faith in. Is it a sincere faith in the goodness of God and how we have been instructed to treat others? There is a form of the “Golden Rule” in every religion. Or is it a faith based in the fear of the “wrath” of God? That is a troubling question, as many are led into and held captive to religion by fear.

One of the most fearful scriptures for me as a child was the warning to “beware of the wolf in sheep’s clothing”. I have come to believe that religion itself is this wolf we need to be wary of.

Over the years, I have sought to understand many different religious avenues. The words “seek and you will find” was a directive to explore in order to decide which way was the true way, I needed to understand them all – or at least expose myself to their concepts and pursue those which sounded true for me. By using the gift of freewill, I am always free to question and decide for myself. By examining these different paths, I can see where God has touched them all.

What I have also come to see is that religion really has little to do with spirituality although it is a term traditionally believed as belonging to it. Spirituality is a more deeply personal connection to God, that transcends any religious doctrine.

While I currently have no formal religious affiliation, my reflections on these issues have helped me clear my mind to see the important lessons of the Christmas and Hannuka season.

There is a warmth in the ideal of Christmas. Of giving, though it seems the receiving if far more important to a lot of people. Although it is a Christian adaptation of pagan celebrations to honer the birth of the Messiah, it does seem to encourage goodwill and joyousness in many of us. If nothing else, it causes me to stop and show my appreciation for the man known as Jesus, who walked his talk of the “golden rule” by example – even to those shunned by many in his day as unrighteous – with kindness, patience, tolerance, acceptance and love. May I celebrate this holiday doing my best to follow his lead.

Let me also appreciate that “pagan” – though thought of as evil – is nothing more than the rustic religious beliefs of anyone not Christian, Jewish or Muslim – from which many of their beliefs originated from.

Hannukah provides me with the opportunity to celebrate the justice in fighting for the right to believe and worship your own brand of religion. Just as the Maccabees triumphed over those who would prevent them from worshiping God the way that their faith guided them, so too shall I celebrate this triumph by honoring and respecting others who have beliefs different from my own. May I uphold and promote the rights which allow all people to worship and believe the way that is right for them. May I stand up and fight against those who would deny us this right, or seek to force their views onto those who differ.

Let me too, see those things – within all religious beliefs – which are good, and of “good report” as messages meant for all of us. Meant to bring us together rather than divide.

May this season be a joyful one for us all.

Procrastination and the Power of Intention

Two polar opposites procrastination and intention.

Intention implies a willful declaration – whether written or mental – to do something. A fact before the fact. If you think of anything you do, no matter how trivial, you must utilize some form of intention.

I want a cup of coffee. I’m going to go and make me a cup of coffee. You get up and do just that.

On the other hand, procrastination is quite different. You want something, but you are unwilling to commit to making it happen.

I want a cup of coffee, but I don’t feel like making it myself. I don’t feel like going to Starbucks. I’ll get one later – I don’t need it now. It can wait.

Everyone has these moments, but what is important is how powerful our intentions are in achieving what we want. So how do we get over the hurdle of procrastination?

This morning, I really wanted to write in my blogs. I truly enjoy them, they are my friends. But I just couldn’t seem to get motivated or think of something that stirred my passion or my interest. I simply can’t write from the heart if I don’t have passion. An excitement about sharing my personal thoughts on something I care about. In a way I hope will be helpful to someone reading my work.

So, I started roaming the blogs. Since I was having a bit of trouble getting started, I did a WordPress search on writing. Two blogs had something to say that truly resonated with me, and along with a search for hot topics in the world today – got me started. The fire was lit.

So motivating were the blogs, I want to share some of the things I learned from them. The first one, Hafiz’s Class Blog: East Meets West. had a post titled “Encouragement/Motivation on Writing”. This article has a lot of great information about motivation for writers, however it was what he had to say about procrastination that really hit the mark for me:

“If procrastination is an issue in your writing life, and you’d like to overcome it, try to understand the root cause of it. Procrastination experts say that there are six main reasons why we put off things: 1. We’re bored. 2. We’re afraid to write; our low-self-esteen makes us doubt our talent. 3. We’re easily distracted by things around us. 4. We’re just plain lazy. 5. We’re overwhelmed by the task at hand; it’s just too big to tackle. 6. We just don’t like the work. When you truly understand why you’re procrastinating, you can do something about it, especially if writing is important to you.”

These six reasons can be applied to anything in your life – they’re very profound. I can see one or more of them as being the cause of many projects I continue to put off till tomorrow.

Seeing the causes so clearly allowed me to reflect on why I have put off doing come things that I really need to do.

Then I came across another blog titled The Power of Writing Things Down. Now this article doesn’t specifically state intention, however, it does clearly detail how powerful writing things down can be. It’s truly worth a read, for many reasons.

It’s a fact that people who make a lot of lists – who write things down – are the same people who get a lot of things done. Writing about the things you want to do is a clear statement of intention. And if you don’t let any of the reasons why we procrastinate get in the way – you’ll make progress toward everything you want in life.

But how does that work? Why does it work?

Our intention or our tendency toward procrastination is what fuels our subconscious mind. Everything we see, think or experience is being recorded there, and influences our daily thoughts and actions. Writing things down clearly fuels this part of our brain, and whether or not we remember all the things we’ve written, our subconscious mind is working on it, directing us to opportunities that help us achieve the things we want to accomplish and the things we desire.

If you saw the movie “The Secret”, you’ll see that is it the power of intention that is one of the keys to opening the door to the law of attraction. You can’t really rub a magic lamp and wish for all the things you desire. You have to know, with certainty what it is you want.

Clear thought and self-confidence are two of the most important components to achieving anything you want in life.

Ask anyone who has achieved some of the things you are wishing for.

New Thoughts and a Fresh Beginning

I woke up this morning renewed in a way I didn’t think possible for a long time.

Since finding Word Press, my creative juices have started to flow once again. I have so many interests, that some times getting started is the most difficult hurdle.

At this stage in my life, I have a lot of experience as well as a lot of experiences. I’ve been a photographer, a writer, a graphic designer, a publisher, a digital media designer, a jewelry designer and an artist. For the past 20+ years I’ve also been, primarily – a MOM.

After graduating a few years ago with a degree in digital media design, in an over-saturated market full of other graduates old enough to be my children – finding a job has been a dismal pursuit.

As many creative types are, I can be easily discouraged. And that is an affliction that has permeated the very core of my being for many years.

Trying my best to overcome this self imposed impasse led me to looking at life in a new way.

I found and purchased the movie “The Law of Attraction” before it was a hot topic on Oprah. And yes, I participated in every one of Eckhart Tolle and Oprah’s “A New Earth” Monday night webinars.

Yet, no matter much how I accepted and lived in the moment, focused only on the things I wanted and how positive I lived each day – it seemed that the Universe just kept slapping me in the face.

Every job I applied for – no matter how menial, didn’t result in employment. As the economy plummeted so did retail sales. So the yearly bonus my husband and I had always looked forward to vanished.

If the Universe is so abundant why are we suffering so profusely? Why am I being denied?

In spite of my admission to having those feelings, I still remained positive and hopeful. Even when I experienced a few negative flashes as unanticipated problems transpired, I would breathe deep and release any tension.

After discovering Word Press and the adventure of blogging, I now felt I had an outlet to share my voice, even if no one else was listening. My passion for writing has now been rekindled. Being a “stay-at-home” unemployed mom, with a husband who doesn’t want to talk after a full day of dealing with complaints, leaves you with no outlet to share personal thoughts.

We relocated to Florida years ago. The eternal possibility (and promises) of promotion and relocation in a “couple” of years left few chances to develop new and lasting friendships. I am basically a hermit, and sharing personal thoughts with people I don’t know doesn’t come easily to me. My neighbors like to “talk amongst themselves”, and I prefer to keep my personal business to myself. You understand.

With my background in graphic design and publishing, it was only natural that I add visual elements to my blogs. Over the past few years, when trying to create jewelry and a website, I had purchased some reasonably priced stock photo images to incorporate into my site as well as my personal logo. Over the years, I kept seeing a spot on their website to upload images. With my self image and self-confidence continuing to errode, I never once thought that my work would be good enough to be accepted. Even though my instructors told me I had a killer portfolio, continually being passed over for jobs causes one to question their own self-worth. However, I’ve always been very proud of my creative art skills. If no one else liked my work, I did.

As I was looking at the many different images on the Dreamstime website, especially the free ones – I kept thinking, I have images that are as good as these – maybe even better.

So I got to thinking of some of the images I had created that other people might be able to use to add visual punch to their blogs or graphic design campaigns.

One of the major “projects” that has been on my eternal list of things to do has been to organize the content of my overwhelming collection of CD’s. I have redundant copies of a lot of creative digital media projects that I have put off organizing as it only seemed to ignite my feelings of unworthiness.

Yesterday, I started looking at some of the images I had created – which led me to begin the organizing project. Not easy, as I have stacks of CD’s that have to each be loaded and reviewed to find all the images. Took me all day. So far I’ve found about 3 gigabytes. And I’m not finished yet!

I’ve uploaded a few to see if they’ll be accepted. Won’t know till about Thursday, but I am hopeful. Which is a wonderful place to be.

Hopeful.

People tell me we are always where we are suppose to be and doing exactly what we are meant to be doing at any moment in time. That the Universe is guiding us along a path that offers us many lessons. While I’ve always believed that to be true, I must admit I have questioned why the Universe has taken me down such a rocky road. A dry rocky road.

But I think I am beginning to see a lovely green meadow just ahead.

I just hope it’s not a mirage.